I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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