forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
