so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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