I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
