Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
