Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
