if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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