I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
