I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize