We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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