So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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