i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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