You just made me feel so damn special
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
