just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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