Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
