How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
