She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
