I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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