I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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