I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
