Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
