____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
