The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
