he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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