I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
