So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
