he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
