So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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