I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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