My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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