Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
