careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
