So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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