I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
