Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
