if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
