I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
