even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
