As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
