I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
