he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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