I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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