I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently you make a good broom.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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