I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
