If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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