i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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