At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize