i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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