So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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