omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
