True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
