I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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