this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.