I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
