I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Farmville is her only friend.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
