They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.