i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.