Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
