I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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