she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
