we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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