shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
