Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
