You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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