Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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