So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
