maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
