She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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