I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
