I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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