Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
