He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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