Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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