I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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