So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
