happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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