Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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