Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
