I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
