We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
