btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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