Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
