So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
