i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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