Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
