New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
