There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
