man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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