I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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