I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
