and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
